The Process of Miracle Making
by Kataoi
Summary: -MST3K- Post-series. Waiting at the hospital for the arrival of a little Robinson, the 'bots question how it all happens and are horrified at the answers. But then comes the actual baby...
1. Waiting

It was late in the night - or early in the morning, depending on how one judged time - and an eclectic group of people found themselves in the lobby of the hospital emergency room. Well, "people" might not have been the proper term, as roughly half the group were robots.

"What time is it?" Crow asked impatiently. The out-dated issue of Time Magazine was providing him with little entertainment value, particuarlly after having read it for the past five hours.

Mike looked at his wristwatch. "1:15," he replied before going back to his book, _The Good Earth_, by Pearl S. Buck. "You knew this might take a while and I told you to bring something you'd find entertaining, but did you listen? Noooo..."

"Don't be so hard on him," said a female voice sleepily. Mike looked at his shoulder to see his dozing fiancé. "This is new for you, isn't it Crow?" she said, sitting up in the vinyl-lined chair. "Of all those movies you watched...did any of them talk about this sort of thing?"

"Waiting in the emergency room? A few of them di -"

"Nono, I meant…you know, babies," she said with a smile. "Or rather, did anybody ever _teach_ -" she elbowed Mike, "- you about it?"

"Nope."

"Joel always told us people were 'telling secrets'," Tom cut in from his spot a few feet down, where he was playing a card game against an eight-year-old. The boy had arrived a few hours ago with his parents, his mother being in labor, and was left in the lobby, but far too intrigued by the scrap-heap robots to even care about being left out.

"Telling secrets, clever...Mike, why didn't you _tell_ them about this stuff?"

"Why should they have to know?" the blonde replied with a huff, still staring at his book. "The only time something even vaguely related to baby-making came up was with _Parts: The Clonus Horror_, and that was just about cloning. Hell, Crow didn't even _believe_ in women for a while." He paused. "Besides, how was I _supposed_ to tell them? The hot dog and the taco?"

"The hot...what?"

Mike sighed. "That's how Eddie taught me..."

"That explains so much and yet so little," Servo quipped softly, placing down a card, to which his game-playing compatriot quickly countered.

"...I'd have to agree with Tom on that one."

Looking up, Mike announced, "Guys, I'd like to once again thank you for making the love of my life think I'm an idiot."

"You're welcome."

"Yeah, sure thing buddy."

"Aw, honey, I'm supposed to think you an idiot because you're a guy," she said, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "But you're _my_ idiot."

"Th-thanks...I...think..."

"Bridget, tell us, will ya?" Crow pleaded. "It's been realllly obnoxious not knowing for roughly twelve years."

"Twelve years, huh?" Bridget pondered, leaning her head on Mike's shoulder as he went back to reading. "You guys would've gotten those puberty sessions by now. Nothing, huh?"

"Okay, well…" Crow began moving his hands around to accentuate his speech, "I know that a man and a woman get together and they have to like, occupy the same space and then…um…something. Something happens. And then nine months later a baby is born."

"That's…pretty good," Bridget replied, rubbing her forehead. "But um…Mike, can you help me out here?"

"Hey, you're the one that brought it up…"

"Tuh, fine…Tom honey, do you want to learn about this?"

"Huh?" Both robot and child responded. It took a moment for the boy to realize he wasn't being called on. "Oh…"

"Tommy, I don't know if your parents would appreciate me telling you…"

"Oh, I know," the boy waved off. "Mom and Dad explained it to me."

Servo gazed longingly at the cards in his hand, but placed them on the table and hovered off. "I'll be back," he declared, but deciding that he'd rather learn about the facts of life.

"Alright so…" Bridget leaned down as the 'bots leaned forward, and she quietly murmured the process. The two made motions every now and then before suddenly bursting out.

"EWWW!"

"That's DISGUSTING!"

"It's a natural human thing," she insisted, hands on her knees. "I mean, Mike and I –"

"Woah woah woah!" Mike cut in, snapping his book shut. "They do _not_ need to know about that."

Logic still remained simple and the damage was still done. "With MIKE?" Crow balked.

"Gross!" Servo wretched.

There was a pause. "Wait, then how come you're not having a baby?"

"Be…cause…there are…ways that you can have it without making a baby."

"How?"

Bridget sighed, mentally exhausted. "Th-that's for another time. And _Mike_ will tell you about that," she said, emphasizing it with a nudge.

"I will? Ouch! Okay fine."

"I think we're good," Servo replied, sounding faint. "Ma-an, you humans are – that's just so – wait, wait, oh my _God_, that means Joel –"

The two 'bots wretched simultaneously before crying into one another for comfort. Mike couldn't help but chuckle as Bridget stood up and stretched before turning to him.

"You want something to eat or drink?"

"Some coffee would be nice, thanks hon…"

Bridget walked out into the hallway, withdrawing a wad of bills from her pocket. Mike smiled and sighed, taking another glance at his watch. 1:22…

Gypsy and Cambot were camped out by the doors where, hours earlier, the Robinson parents-to-be had come running in. Their whole entourage was rather strange, but had taken the very straight route by simply explaining that the robots were, in fact, robots. Joel and Laura were taken to the inner sanctum while Mike, Bridget, Crow, Tom, Gypsy, and Cambot were left to their own devices, and had been doing such for going on six hours.

"So…what do you think they'll name it?" Mike asked as Bridget returned, handing him a cup of black coffee. He sniffed it before taking a sip.

"Depends on if it's a boy or a girl."

"…Oh. Right."

The two looked over at Servo and Crow, who were back into contemplation mode, along with Tommy, who had also abandoned the cards (seemingly a game of solitaire). The boy, it seemed, had made a comment that had not quite been processed to the robots.

"…I'm going to have a younger brother or sister?" Crow asked. He looked around the lobby at what had been his siblings all of his life. There was Cambot, the quiet big brother, Gypsy, the intelligent big sister, himself, and then Servo, the dramatic little brother.

"That's….going to be different," the red 'bot murmured. He, too, looked around the lobby, but instead landed sight on the two humans. Quietly, he hovered over to the two, his head turned away, and asked lowly, "What does this mean for me and everyone else?"

"What do you mean?" Mike replied dubiously. "We're not going to…"

"Joel's not…going to ignore us, is he?"

"Oh, Servo honey," Bridget cried sympathetically, reaching out and embracing the robot. "No, it isn't going to happen…But…"

"But?" he whimpered.

"But you gotta realize…this is…big."

"Big? I thought babies were small."

"She means life-changing," Mike said, rolling his eyes. "And she's right you know – this is going to be a new adventure for you guys. All of you, even Gypsy and Cambot. Now you've got a real baby brother or sister to look after. You get to teach it all sort of things, get to help it along…" The blonde smiled, resting his head on his hand. "That kid is…going to have quite the time growing up…"

"So Joel's not…going to abandon us?"

"Naah, no way," Bridget answered, waving her hand. "He'll need all the help he can get."

"That's…that's going to be so cool!" Crow exclaimed, leaping up. "Oh man! We can teach it all the best tricks and hiding spots! Then there are the special moves in the fighting games, and then there's that vending machine down at the laundromat that gives out free E7s…"

"We'll have to train it in the art of movie quipping," Servo pointed out, to which the gold 'bot vigorously agreed.

"Of course, I mean –"

Cambot suddenly exploded in a series of beeps and chirps, zooming around the lobby and causing the nurse at the front desk to jump in surprise. The camera robot spun around a few times and whirred before the doors he and Gypsy had been camping out by opened.

The man that came out was thoroughly and rightfully confused at the scene before him, but Tommy suddenly jumped up and ran over to him.

"What is it Dad?!"

"Well, you've got a little sister now…"

The rest of the group just sunk back into the anxiety of waiting, Mike once again cracking open his book, his fiancé snuggling back into his shoulder and closing her eyes. Crow and Tom decided to switch with what the other had been doing – meaning Tom picked up the magazine and Crow took to playing solitaire.

This was the state of which they would remain for another hour before Cambot once again made a plethora of noises, though these were slightly toned down from the previous. The doctor was just as confused as the man before him, but he quickly shook it off.

"You're…with the Robinsons?" he asked carefully. Mike looked up and shook Bridget awake while the robots snapped their attention on him.

"Yeah," Gypsy answered, waving back and forth. "What's the news?"

The doctor looked at her, slightly uncomfortable, and made a step towards the humans. "Well, the good news is that the baby is born, and both mom and infant are doing well. Secondly –"

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Mike blurted out, to which Bridget smacked his arm.

"Secondly…Mr. Robinson said he'd like you all to find out for yourselves, so if you'll just follow me…Oh, but um…these…these…robots…"

"Is something wrong?" the blonde asked, his voice rising in hostility. "They won't do anything, I can promise you that."

"That's nice, but they'll have to be cleaned off before seeing the baby. We just want to avoid any chance of coming in contact with harmful substances."

"Bust out the disinfectant wipes and let's roll!" Servo declared, zooming forward as the doctor led them back through the doors and down the hallway.

* * *

To be concluded in chapter two.


	2. Accepting

The first through the door to the hospital room were Tom and Mike, though the red 'bot had him beat by far. He nearly crashed into the window but swerved just in time to propel himself away, but ended up knocking into Mike. The two went down and then were stepped on by Crow and slithered over by Gypsy, the latter of who went straight to Joel while the former stared at the woman lying on the bed, propped up against several pillows.

There was a bundle of blankets held in her arms, but both her and Joel's attentions were distracted by the entrance of the group. Cambot did a few circles before immediately zooming up to the bed, causing Joel to swat him away.

"Come on honey, calm down, you can see perfectly fine from there…"

Crow and Tom (now hovering next to his gold counterpart) were at the foot of the bed, peering curiously. Joel looked at the two and smiled before stealing a glance at Mike and Bridget, who were hanging back to let the robots see.

"So…" Crow stood up on his toes, "That's…it?"

"Yeap…"

"Kind of…squishy."

"I thought there'd be more gross stuff," Tom offered, to which Mike batted him on the dome. "Hey!"

"No, they cleaned all that up," Laura replied with a laugh, shifting her arms. "Joel honey, you want to hold her for them to see…?"

"Oh…sure, yeah." The inventor leaned over and carefully took the baby from his wife's arms, gently cradling it in his arms. "Alright you guys…this is your new sister."

"Sister?!" Gypsy repeated excitedly. "You're not lying?! A girl?!"

Joel chuckled. "Yes, that's what I mean…"

"What's her name?" Bridget piped up as her and Mike shimmied their way closer to the bed, taking Crow's and Tom's spots as they now stood next to their father.

"Sophia Robinson…Sophie."

"How cute!" Bridget chimed in delight, grabbing onto Mike's arm. He simply nodded approvingly, much too focused to say anything.

"Look Sophie," Joel cooed, stooping down for the 'bots to be able to see. They stared at the bundle in sheer fascination, mouths agape at the small mass that suddenly twitched to life and squirmed. They backed away, but soon crawled back when a tiny hand twitched into the air. "Hey, c'mon guys, she wants to see you…"

Tom and Crow peered cautiously at the baby. The gold 'bot slowly lifted his own lanky arm up and moved to touch her hand, but before he could, she grabbed his and held on tight.

"Ah! Ahhh! Joel Joel Joel she's got me she's going to kill me I just know –"

"No no, calm down honey, she just likes you, that's all!"

It took a moment for Crow to breathe normally, at which point he looked at Sophie and opened his jaw wider into an impromptu smile. "She's…she's cute." He then used his free hand to tickle the baby's chin. "Aww…who's a good human? Yes you are! Yes! Awww yes!"

"Hey c'mon, stop hogging her!" Tom whined, bumping Crow aside. He extended his hand, which Sophie took with great interest and tugged at. The springs creaked out as she pulled, hitting the red 'bot with the slightest of recoils when she let go.

Gypsy extended her neck up and over Joel's shoulder to get a better look. Sophie stared up at the purple 'bot, her eyes wide as the robot inched closer. But just as soon as she opened her mouth, Joel could see what might've happened and pushed Gypsy away.

"Be careful honey," he murmured before Cambot zoomed over and swerved in an orbital pattern around the baby. Her eyes followed him perfectly before she reached up and managed to grab onto his lens, throwing the camerabot off-balance and into a mild panic.

There was minor mass chaos as the four robots suddenly became entangled in a myriad of panicked beeps, swift movements to avoid being hit, and a baby that was having more fun in a few minutes that most had in a whole month. Joel held onto the baby tighter, ducking and dodging while the four robots screamed in terror. Finally, however, the process of parenthood kicked in.

"OUT!" he shouted, stomping his foot on the ground. "Guys, I'm sorry, but this is – this is just too much…and she's now – oh she's…asleep." He sighed before handing her back to Laura. "Why don't you…get something to eat at the cafeteria or something…"

The four looked defeated, staring from their father to their new sister and back.

"Oh…kay…" was all Gypsy said quietly before they sullenly left the room. Mike and Bridget hung back, waiting to see what would be desired of them, but all Joel did was sink into the chair next to the bed and rub his tired eyes.

"You okay there?" Mike asked, shifting the weight on his feet. Joel nodded without looking up, sighing.

"I'm…fine…" He looked at his wife, smiling weakly. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, dear." She glanced down at the baby cradled in her arms and smiled before turning back to her husband. "Joel…"

"Y-yeah?"

"I think you need to talk to our other four kids there."

He sighed. "No…"

Laura raised her eyebrows. "No? _Excuse_ me?"

"It's…I mean…" Joel sighed. "What am I supposed to do? What can I tell them? We've got a newborn baby here! I don't want her getting hurt, that's all..."

"But you hurt _them_. Can't you just…I don't know. Go down there and explain it over some chocolate pudding or something?"

"I…I don't…I don't know if I can..." The inventor stared sweetly at his daughter, brushing a finger against her cheek. It was so big in comparison…but she would grow. She would learn, slowly but surely, and then be able to perceive the world around her. She would walk, speak, play, and observe…

"Hey." The parents looked at Mike, who had his hands in his pockets. "You know…I can talk to them. I _was_ their surrogate dad for five years."

"Thank you Mike, but Joel should –"

"No…let him do it." He sunk further into the chair. "I'm not sure I could even make it down there without falling asleep on a water fountain."

The blonde grinned. "Take it easy. I'll go talk to the 'bots."

A few moments after Mike left, his fiancé went after him, giving a nod to the two new parents. Joel deftly lifted his hand as a sign of farewell before completely collapsing, slumping his head onto the bed. Laura wiggled her fingers out from the crook of her arm and stroked his hair.

"Joel…?"

"Mmm?" he managed to groan out, his face smushed into the bed coverings.

"Do you remember…when I met the robots?"

"Mmmhmm."

"And how frightened I was?"

"Mmhm."

"But they were just as afraid because they didn't know _what_ I was."

"Mmm…"

"I was something new to them."

"Mmmm…"

"They take change hard Joel, _that_ much I've gathered." She paused very briefly before saying, "And if you just mumble something again I swear I'm going to smother you to death."

Joel turned his head, his mouth free from the blankets. "Alright…"

"Good boy. And you know, a baby is huge for them. World-shattering. And they…don't really know what it means."

"Right…"

Laura grinned. "I remember it too well…You had told me about them, slowly but surely, and about your adventures in space…It was hard to believe but there was nothing else I could do. So I believed it. And then that day came, when you took me to go meet them…I couldn't believe it."

"Eh? Why?"

"You kidding? They sure didn't look like robots."

"They're legit!"

"But they didn't _look_ legit, that's what I'm saying. I mean, you did build them from the parts you had lying around…"

"Okay," Joel conceded defeat, closing his eyes. "What about it?"

"Nothing…it's just that it took them a while to accept me as, well, something permanent that wasn't going to go away just because they didn't like me. But you know what…what made me really happy?"

"Hmm – I-I mean, what did?"

"When we were married…and the first thing that changed with them…was when they called me Mom. I wasn't just Laura anymore."

"'cause you were Laura Robinson…"

"That's not what I mean you doof," she said, flicking his head. "What I'm saying is…You need to tell them you still love them."

"But – I do…"

"They need to hear it from _you, _okay honey?"

---

Mike and Bridget found the 'bot sullenly eating the remnants of tapioca pudding at a table in the corner of the cafeteria. There was but one person on duty, and he appeared more than curious by the scrapheap figures that had come in to eat. Relief spread to his face when the two humans joined the robots.

"Hey you guys," Bridget greeted softly as she sat, sliding in-between Gypsy and Crow. "Anything good?"

"Pudding and coffee," Crow mumbled. "And it's not really all that great…" The gold 'bot slumped in his chair, spoon sliding into the mess of off-white pudding in the plastic cup. "Guhh…we screwed up big time, didn't we?"

"No you didn't," Mike said as he sat himself between Gypsy and Tom. Cambot was hovering around quietly, investigating the cracks in the walls to occupy his thoughts.

"We obviously _did_, since we got kicked out and everything," Servo replied with a depressed huff.

"Okay, c'mon, give him a break," the blonde shot back. "The guy's been awake since like, five this morning and has been running thorough this whole day. He's _tired_, just as anyone in their right mind would be."

"Joel's never really in his right mind," Crow said. Bridget patted his shoulder, smiling but rolling her eyes.

"Okay, so then – imagine _that_ state of mind, coupled with being a new father and then dealing with the stress of making sure she stays safe. That's enough to drive anyone over the edge."

"You saying we're dangerous?"

"Oh come on, I _know_ you guys are." Mike began bringing up memories. "Exploding things, breaking things, burning things, nearly killing things…"

"Says you, mister Mike Nelson Destroyer of Worlds," Servo shot back.

"And you wanna know something? Those were three planets _in the future_, which means that they exist _right now_ and that I _didn't_ blow them up, so ha! Eat me!"

"Joel's not mad at you," Bridget pressed, choosing to ignore the argument as to whether or not her fiancé had, in fact, blown up three planets or not. "He's just…he's not, okay?"

"…He's going to leave us again," Gypsy finally spoke. "Just like he did that one time…and then the other time."

There was silence, which was bogged down in more silence until a total blanket of awkwardness hung over them. Mike looked at Bridget, who for once was out of comforting things to say. The 'bots resumed their sullen eating of the pudding before the humans stood up to investigate what drinks there were available.

"Maybe we could run away from home," Crow mumbled, setting his spoon down. "We could live off the money Gypsy's making with her company, go out on our own, be swinging bachelors in a condo on the beach…"

"Oh I don't know…"

"GAH!" The 'bots leapt (and beeped) at the mellow human voice that had spoken. Joel had managed to sneak in the entrance and go the table unnoticed, but now he stood, his presence commanding them all like a father at a family meeting.

"Mind if I take a seat?" Joel asked, though it really meant nothing as he slid down in the chair formally occupied by Bridget. "So wha'cha eating?"

"Tapioca pudding," Servo replied. "It's not very good, you want it?"

"Uh, no, I think I'm okay –"

"You kidding?" Crow cut in. "You need to be attached to an IV with straight caffeine."

"Or sleep."

"Oh, right, that thing."

Joel smiled. "Yeah, I can't wait to take a nap but…I want to make sure we're all right here."

"Well, beyond the pudding I'd say we –"

"No it's…you guys know…" He sighed, averting his gaze to the table. "I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier. I didn't mean to make you guys upset. It's just…babies aren't like you guys. They're very…delicate."

"Delicate? They're so squishy-looking they're like the Michelin man! It's like they have their own protective coating or something."

"Yeah, but they don't. See, their bones are still developing, even after they're born…and uh…they just um…they're just fragile."

"…If I find a sticker that says 'Fragile: Handle with Care', can I put it on her?"

"No Tommy, you can't."

"…So she's…she's really it, huh."

"Yeah, pretty much. She isn't going anywhere, and…neither are you guys."

"Says who?"

"Uh, says _me_, your _father_?"

"Ugh, I hate it when you use that card…"

---

With his arms able to support the weight of a baby, Crow walked around the hospital room the next morning, little Sophia Robinson in tow. She seemed quite content with the situation, making a few reaches for his bowling-pin beak, but only barely able to graze it. He returned the baby to her mother before observing her keenly.

"So is this all babies do Joel?" he asked, looking up.

"Sleep, eat, and poop, yeah. What did you expect?"

"I dunno, tricks?" Tom suggested. "You know…roll over…"

"Speak…"

"Fetch…"

"Guys, it's a _baby_, not a _dog_," Mike quipped.

"What's the difference?"

"Well for star – ugh, never mind." He shook his head before feeling a tug on his arm. Turning around, he saw Bridget staring at the baby with a gleam in her eyes. It was something new…something he hadn't seen before. He gulped. "Uh…wha-what is it honey…?"

"Mike I…I want one."

"Want…a dog?"

"A _baby…_"

"Oh…well…um…"

"Be careful, Mike couldn't raise an earthworm," Crow said darkly. "Though he _can_ raise you a delicious snack, heh heh…"

"We wouldn't _eat_ it…"

"Hey, there's an idea, baby eating…"

"Crow!" the whole room snapped. The gold 'bot went on the defensive.

"Hey, I'm just sayin'! I mean, think about it – the cuter the animal, the better it tastes, right? I mean, veal and stuff? So on _that_ note…baby must be delicious!"

"CROW!" they hollered.

"That's it – no baby time for you for the rest of the hour." Joel began to scoot him out of the room. "Out out out."

"But – but hey! I was just - !"

The inventor snapped the door shut, which was immediately knocked on by the robot locked outside. Smiling, he looked at his daughter before suddenly laughing.

"This kid…has quite a future," he said before opening the door a crack. "You ready to behave?"

"Yes…"

"Good. Now stand over there – get your sister, I want to get a group shot of all my kids here…"

* * *

The end.


End file.
